The ‘Ripple Effect’ of Fr. Benedict Groeschel’s ‘Yes’ to God

“If it hadn’t been for Fr. Benedict, I don’t know where I’d be.”  These words, spoken by a young man who had lived at the St Francis House for boys founded by Fr. Benedict in the 60’s, have been echoed by the sentiments of countless others during these days of prayer and rememberance.  As Fr. Andrew preached at yesterday’s funeral, “No Fr. Benedict, no CFR’s!” and so without Fr. Benedict, I don’t know where I would be! 

We CFR’s have been powerfully reminded (and perhaps educated) this week that Fr. Benedict’s untiring and faithful “yes” to God for over 60 years has been a source of tremendous grace for thousands, if not millions of people; bishop’s; priests; families in poverty; religious sisters; boys from Children’s Village; viewers of EWTN; readers of his 43 books; homeless men; women in crisis pregnancy and who knows how many more…?  And who knows what the ripple effect of God’s grace has been through the lives of those touched by Fr. Benedict?  Only God.  And that’s how Fr. Benedict would like it. 

So often the news is disturbing and frightening.  War, terrorism, disease, moral confusion.  There is a great deal of fear in our culture.  People feel helpless and hopeless in the face of everything and so do nothing.  But that wasn’t Fr. Benedict’s style!  He was a man of faith and hope, impelled by the love of Christ and so he had to do something.  And he did a lot!

But what is our response?  What is my response?  It must be the same response uttered by Fr. Benedict when he was 17 years old, as he left home to follow Jesus and join the Capuchins.  It must be the same response that then led him (some 30 years later) as he left the Capuchins (his home) to follow Jesus and begin the CFR’s.  The same response he uttered, not without struggle and suffering, for over 60 years. We can almost hear him say it in his unmistakable quiet voice, “Yes Lord.” 

Just the other day I read this quote from St. John Paul II and thought of Fr. Benedict:

“The first duty of the consecrated life is to make visible the marvels wrought by God in the frail humanity of those who are called.  They bear witness to these marvels not so much in works as by the eloquent language of a transfigured life, capable of amazing the world”  (Vita Consecrata). 

Fr. Benedict wasn’t perfect and nor are any of us.  I’m not called to be Fr. Benedict and nor are you but his powerful “yes” challenges each of us, in our frail humanity, to offer our lives to God wherever we are, with the same passion and generosity.  Fr. Benedict’s life made visible the marvels of God and you know what?  So can we!!  And that’s what amazes the world - the ripple effect of grace!

+ Fr. Emmanuel Mary Mansford, CFR
Harlem, NY
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From Fr. Gabriel Joseph Kyte in England

Brothers,

                Hope this e-letter finds you all well.  This year in the European region we’re introducing Come and See weekends.  If you’re from North America and have visited St. Joseph’s Friary in New York, this style of visit will be familiar to you.  In the European region however, we’ve had a number of visitors over the years to our friary in London, but many of the guys don’t get a chance to meet the others who are discerning with us.  Brothers in Europe, you are not discerning alone!  There are many other young men who are asking the same questions as you, and wrestling with the same fears and aspirations in discovering God’s will with joy and trust!  The Wednesday to Sunday stay will hopefully allow for a more focused stay as you take another good step in the process of discernment.

                A Come and See “weekend” will be offered in each of our friaries in England and Ireland. 

The first one will be in Bradford at St. Pio Friary November 12^th-16^th, 2014.

The second will be in Limerick at St. Patrick’s Friary, February 4^th-8^th, 2015.

The others are planned for May and July in Derry, N. Ireland and in Limerick respectively.

                Please call me at St. Pio Friary in Bradford, England if you’d like to come on any of our Come and See Weekends (0044-1274-721-989).  I pray that they will be a helpful part of the journey for you in following in Jesus’ footsteps.

You are in our prayers,

Fr. Gabriel Joseph

Vocation Director, Europe.

                With Fr. Benedict’s passing, I wanted to recommend to all of you a great book that Fr. Benedict wrote while accompanying a young man discerning and pursuing God’s call.

                Father Benedict Groeschel had a great love for vocations.  He helped many to discover and/or persevere in the will of God for them.  One of them was a priest named Fr. Eugene Hamilton who became a priest in the final moments of his life.  Fr. Benedict’s book, A Priest Forever (Our Sunday Visitor Press), tells Fr. Eugene’s story.  If you can track it down, it is well worth the read…even if the diocesan priesthood is not your call. 

(find it here)

With special permission from St. John Paul II, Eugene was ordained to the priesthood in the final hours of a long battle with terminal cancer.  Fr. Eugene was young.  Fr. Eugene wanted to do God’s will.   With all of his heart (toto corde) St. John Paul II gave his permission that Eugene be ordained a priest, even if only lived out in this life for a very short period.  St. John Paul II knew that to do God’s will, even if only lived out briefly in this life was worth more than a thousand lives lived doing one’s own thing.  At 4 o’clock in the afternoon, Eugene Hamilton was ordained a priest 3 hours before he passed from this life into the next, a priest forever. 

                Be assured of our prayers brothers and of our support as you discern God’s will.

St. Francis, pray for us.  St. John Paul II, pray for us.         

Human Formation #4

In our last reflection (Human Formation #3 posted on Nov. 20, 2013), we spoke of affirmation, the response to our fundamental human need to have our goodness revealed to us by another.  Receiving authentic affirmation leads to emotional maturity and even opens us up to the love of God, leading to an experiential, felt faith.  Yet, the hard truth is that none of us have been loved or affirmed adequately.  This is obviously true for those from unhealthy families where, instead of affirmation, love deprivation and emotional denial characterize the family culture.  But it is true even for those from the healthiest of families since imperfect people are incapable of perfect love.  I mention this because sometimes love deprivation and emotional denial are subtle in their expressions.  A surprising example of affirmation-in-action will help to illustrate this point.  Dr. Baars writes:

Long ago a friend told me of a childhood incident that had left a lasting impression on him.  He was five or six years old when on a weekday morning the pastor came to visit his mother. His father was outside working on the farm. The older children were in school.  Being shy, my friend John hid under the table, but not entirely out of sight, while the pastor and his mother visited.  Neither one paid attention to him.  When the pastor had left and John had come out from under the table his mother stroked his hair and with a friendly smile said, "Were you shy, Johnny"?  Johnny had never forgotten this incident and the wonderful feeling that it was all right for him to be shy, that he did not have to force himself to be a big boy and to hide his shyness from the visitor. Johnny had been affirmed both by his mother and her understanding visitor. They had affirmed Johnny by allowing him to grow and become who and what he was supposed to be in his own time, in his own way, and at his own pace.  I remember asking John whether he recalled the effect of this particular visit. "Indeed," he replied, "I remember that it gave me a sense of confidence in myself, a feeling that I was O.K. And I'm almost positive that the visit cured, or at least greatly diminished my shyness."  This may sound like a rather unexpected outcome to those of us who find it easier to imagine another version of this visit by the pastor, like: "Johnny, come out from under the table and shake hands with the pastor. Show him what a big boy you are. Come on, Johnny, don't be a baby." But it is precisely the Johnny in this second version who is not being affirmed and whose emotional development will become adversely affected (Dr. Conrad Baars, M.D., Born Only Once).

While love deprivation and emotional denial may be subtle in their expressions, especially in healthier families, their long-term effects are obvious and painful.  These effects include (to greater and lesser degrees):  1) An inability to relate to others, to form intimate friendships; 2) Feelings of uncertainty and insecurity which often manifest themselves in hypersensitivity and an unhealthy need for acceptance and approval; 3) Feelings of inferiority, inadequacy and unworthiness; and 4) Increasing feelings of depression resulting from a fearful and lonely lifestyle.  Do any of these symptoms look or feel familiar?  This may be a tough reality to face, but it needs to be faced for the sake our own happiness (see John 10:10) as well as for the sake of our discernment.  Discernment requires both the freedom and the self-confidence needed to say Yes!.  Still, we do not need to be afraid of our weaknesses, God has sent His son Jesus to heal us and set us free so that we can say Yes to Him and His plan with confidence and freedom—this is the message of Advent!  With this advent hope in mind and heart, we will discuss in coming reflections how we dispose ourselves to receive the affirmation of God and others and how to become authentic affirmers ourselves.



May God bless you this Christmas!


Fr. Isaac Spinharney, CFR
St. Joseph Friary
Harlem, NY

Human Formation #3

Please forgive the four week hiatus since the last post.  I'm happy to be back after some time away for prayer and ministry.  We continue with the third reflection in our human formation series.

As mentioned in our last reflection, in order to discern and answer God’s call, we need to know that He loves us.  An essential ingredient for knowing God’s personal love for us is proper emotional development and maturation.  But, how does this take place?  While there are many contributing factors to emotional maturity, some of which we will touch on in this series, emotional maturity is ultimately the fruit of unconditional love, or what some Catholic psychologists call affirmation.  As Dr. Conrad Baars puts it, affirmation is the “fundamental human need” to have “one’s goodness revealed to oneself by another”.  Being affirmed involves actually feeling my own goodness; experiencing that I am “loved and lovable simply for being” who I am, not for what I can achieve, produce or possess.  By being affirmed, I receive from another what only they can give me, the unique gift of myself, my true identity.  This is a life-changing experience—Dr. Baars actually calls it our second or psychological birth—that ideally begins in childhood in one’s relationship with their parents and significant others but also needs to continue throughout one’s lifetime.

            How does it work?  Dr. Philip Sutton teaches that affirmation takes place when “another person is fully present and attentive to us to recognize our goodness, is moved by our goodness, and then is in communion with us, revealing their being moved by us in the visible, sensible, physical changes in their face, posture, [touch] and voice.”  It’s more about being than doing.  This awareness, feeling and revealing of our goodness to us is all prior to any words or actions on the other’s part.  Based upon our needs and the circumstances of a given situation, words or actions may follow another’s affirmation of us, however, they are not strictly necessary.

            Being loved in this way is truly life changing!  Not only does it lead to a real love of self and others, it also contributes to our love of God, producing an experiential or felt faith.  Dr. Conrad Baars explains:  “A truly felt faith and trust in a loving God is essential if we are to become open to the goodness of all being, and to live without fear. However, the presence of this felt faith and trust is virtually dependent on and develops only as a result of emotional affirmation. A non-affirmed individual is quite capable of directing his will toward God when his intellect discovers the necessary reasons for doing this. However, purely intellectual orientation toward God does not stimulate his feeling of love for God and does little to open him to knowing and feeling the goodness of all being. In fact, in times of severe emotional stress this spiritual orientation may collapse easily and reveal the underlying fearful self-centeredness.”

             Brothers, our human relationships can shape and influence our relationship with God.  Let’s ponder that reality in these coming days….Stay tuned.

Human Formation #2

I concluded last week by proclaiming that God really loves us!  But let me begin this week's reflection by stating that in addition to the fact that He loves us, He actually likes us!  I use the word “like” because that gives an affective, personal dimension to God’s love.  God’s love for us is not general.  It is specific and individual.  It is personal delight.  He delights in us; He delights in you!  How else do we explain the above words?

How else do we explain ourselves?  God’s love for me is the answer to the question “who am I?”  Blessed John Paul II wrote in Redemptor Hominis:  "Man cannot live without love. He remains a being that is incomprehensible for himself; his life is meaningless, if love is not revealed to him, if he does not encounter love, if he does not experience it and make it his own, if he does not participate intimately in it.”

God is love (1 Jn 4:8) and He loves us (1 Jn 4:10; Rom 5:8; Gal 2:20).  And His love is so powerful that it makes us His children, it makes us His sons (1 Jn 3:1-2).  But, do we believe in this reality?  Are we really aware of it?  Do we feel it and live from it?  The answer to these questions will determine our ability to discern, choose and live out our vocations in joy and peace; in a word, the answer to these questions will determine our happiness!

God desires that we would believe in His love and yes, He also desires that we would feel it.  We are created to share in His happiness and in order to do so we need more than a merely general, intellectual knowledge of His love.  We need an emotional, experiential, heart-knowledge of it.  Really the same goes for our relationship with others; it’s not enough to know in our heads that we’re loved, we need to know in our hearts.  God made us so that the heart has primacy over the head.  The heart is supposed to lead the head; the head is supposed to serve the heart, because the heart is the place of loving-encounter--with God and others--the seat of true happiness.

While God’s love is certainly not reducible to an emotional experience, He does want it to touch us on that level.  Our experience of an emotional love for God can actually lead us to a deeper and lasting faith and the higher, sacrificial love that Jesus ultimately calls all of His disciples to.  The Saints and Mystics often speak of their union with God in personal, passionate, emotionally charged and poetic language.  The Bible itself, especially in the Song of Songs, uses powerful, romantic and even sensual imagery to describe God’s passionate love for us and our response to that love. 

Brothers, the beginning and end of all formation—human and spiritual—is the personal love of God for us.  We are loved!  The Christian life has been described as a passage from being loved by God without knowing it to being loved by God and knowing it.  Knowing His love is a must for both discerning and answering God’s call.  And proper development and maturation of our emotional lives is a must for knowing His love.  Therefore,  our series on human formation by exploring God’s plan for our emotional growth.  Stay tuned… 

God bless you all,

Fr. Isaac Spinharney, CFR

St. Joseph Friary

Harlem, NY

Human Formation #1

Finally, the promised series on human formation is here.  As I mentioned a couple of months ago in our last reflection on the Creed, “in the coming weeks and months, I will be offering reflections on human formation and how the necessary healing and development of our human nature helps us to believe in and live everything we have been reflecting on in our Series on the Creed.  Human formation is an indispensable part of every vocation and it is my hope that these reflections will in some way help all of us to open our nature more and more to God’s grace.”

Human formation is indispensable because God’s grace, which is His very life, builds on our human nature.  Put another way, our human nature was made for the grace of God.  The Church teaches “the desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself.  Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for…” (CCC, 27).

We’re created “by God and for God”.  Our study of humanity in general and human formation specifically must start with God because He is our origin and goal!  That’s why I began with some reflections on the Apostles Creed.  The truth about man is relative to the truth about God!  And the truth about God is that He loves us!  Human formation is about preparing our nature to receive this Love, which is the foundation of every vocation.

As we reflected on the first two articles of the Creed we read:

“You have a Father in heaven, God, who created you. Even before the world began to exist, God your eternal Father thought of you, knew you, loved you, wanted you, and brought you into being. Your life is from Him. Although you need not have existed, He wanted you to exist, and therefore you do exist. Your life was given to you so that you might come to know how much He loves you and to love him in return…. Although you do not comprehend how much he loves you and adores you, He has provided a way for you to come to know His incredible love for you….[That way] is Jesus of Nazareth, the eternal Son. He is looking for you. He sees you, he knows you through and through, and he loves you. He reveals his love to you in a special way.

God really does love us!  Ponder that and stay tuned for the second part of our series.

God bless you all,

Fr. Isaac Spinharney, CFR

St. Joseph Friary

Harlem, NY

Summer Greetings

Brothers,

I hope your summers have been restful, prayerful and fun!  Here in NYC, our summer has been action-packed.   Recently, four of our brother professed temporary vows and five professed perpetual vows.  These professions are a boost for the whole community and a reminder to all of us that God delights in us and that we are made for glory.  In the fall we look forward to welcoming three new postulants!  Please pray for Ben, Joseph and Joshua as they prepare to take the next stage in their discernment.  And stay tuned, the promised series on human formation is delayed, but on its way!

May God bless you all!

Fr. Isaac Spinharney, CFR
St. Joseph Friary
Harlem, NY