Someone recently asked me ‘do you
just love being a friar?’ and I didn’t know how to answer the question. I was
somewhat at a loss as to what I could say because I’ve been thinking about how
Paul says ‘love endures all things.’ To me this means that I can’t truly say I
love something until I have persevered through many moments where another
option would have been preferable and yet I chose to stay. ‘Time will tell’
could have been my answer. I think that it is important to keep this in mind
because our use of the word ‘love’ is often very shallow.
When I think about my parents and
ask whether or not they love one another I can say they most certainly do.
Currently my dad is going through some painful health problems and at times can
be pretty cranky, and my mother is enduring this thing because of her love for
him. Does this mean that she is always going to like being around him, no. Does
that mean she doesn’t love him, of course not.
We ought to be honest with
ourselves when discerning our place and mission in the Church. Am I looking for
a place where I will always do really well and never be challenged? Am I trying
to find a place where I know what will happen every step of the way and there
will never be any surprises? Or, am I open to entering into something where I
am not in control and can just as easily be surprised by joy as much as sorrow?
Am I open to possibly going somewhere that will challenge me to be real, where
I might fail and have to get back up many times, where I will endure many
things? I think it is no coincidence that the Second Vatican Council document
on religious life is called Perfectae
Caritatis (The Perfection of Charity), to be perfected in love must mean
that you have ‘endured all things.’
Though I haven’t been a friar very
long I’ve been around many of the older friars (Fr. Benedict Groeschel for
example) who have been here long before I was born and I can look at their
lives and recognize their love for being a friar because they have endured many
things. This really is the ultimate test, and a reality check as well. From
moment to moment my feelings about being a friar can vary. Maybe what that
person meant to ask was ‘do you like being a friar?’ Yes sometimes I do, but
there are other times when it is difficult, there are moments when I need to
admit I was wrong and change, there are moments when my fickle heart wants to
be doing anything else but what I’m supposed to be doing. But when things are
like this I can look to someone like Fr. Benedict or any of the older friars,
or any other priest or religious for that matter, and see that they too must
have endured similar situations and have shown the path of love. I can think of
my mother and father who are enduring some difficulty and this is a sign of
their love. On many levels I do love being a friar, but in a more sober tone I
must say that time will tell. If I persevere to the end and I have ‘endured all
things’ then will I be able to look back and say with deep conviction ‘I have
loved being a friar.’
Peace,
Brother Lazarus
